How was your year? Mine was rough. Near the end of last year I had a panic attack so severe I could barely help put the kids to bed. It was almost impossible to keep functioning. Then it returned in the night. The only way I could keep my mind from being completely overwhelmed was to repeat: “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust” from Psalm 91:2. Somewhere while repeating that over and over (I was having trouble even keeping that going) I managed to pray something along the lines of “God, help me.”
He did. The next thing I remember was waking up, I don’t know how much later, feeling rested in both mind and body. My first thoughts went somewhere between “wow, I slept…thank you, God…and He must have knocked me out.” I felt shielded from the panic. That feeling lasted a little over a month. And then it was time to start digging into why? It bothered me. I knew the trigger but didn’t understand why that triggered it. I knew it was irrational. I knew it was unreasonable. But that didn’t change that it happened and I didn’t know what to do with it or about it.
The study begins
God broke me in gently starting in February. I began following along with the Bible studies on Mom Strong International in addition to my daily working my way through the Bible. The first few months were great and uplifting and refreshing. Then summer hit.
The summer study forced me into the questions, I needed to deal with. The big question I hadn’t sorted out was Why? Through a couple of books, a Bible/book study, and a couple of podcasts I finally got there.
The why goes at least as far back as kindergarten when I recognized I didn’t understand the other kids. They played and thought differently than I did and I didn’t understand them. I remember standing in my classroom and wondering about it. The second part comes out of it, I think. I do not go into new situations easily, even ones where I want to be…because I don’t know what to expect in how people act and react and how I need to act. Well, our entire societal structure has been upended and how people are acting in public. Then add in the fact that people are much more unpredictable in how they will react to you. Yeah…it’s no wonder my anxiety had gone through the roof and hit the breaking point.
Here is a small sampling of reassurances (believe me when I say there are so many more) that God does not change…does not lie…and keeps his promises. He is faithful. Please look all of these verses up and read the complete verse. First up Numbers 23:19
God is not a man, that he should lie
or a son of man that he should change his mind
Has he said, and will he not do it?
Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?
Malachi 3:6 “…I the Lord do not change” Hebrews 6:18 “…it is impossible for God to lie…”
If God does not change, does not lie, and keeps his promises…then he is faithful (we’re getting there) and we can make him our foundation.
God is the rock and foundation
In Psalm 18 He is our rock, fortress, stronghold, deliverer, shield, and refuge.
Psalm 144 tells us God is our rock. In verse 11 He rescues and delivers. And verse 15 tells us we are blessed if God is our Lord.
Acts 4:11-12 tells us Jesus is our foundation and salvation comes no other way.
Psalm 1:1-3 compares us to trees if we delight and meditate in God’s law. The more established a tree is the stronger, healthier, and more fruitful it is.
I am going to write directly from my notes this summer written right with my note on Psalm 1. How does being rooted and established in God’s love affect our posture? What would it look like to walk as a woman who is deeply loved by God? Have you ever thought about how you are walking? Does how you go about your life and how you act (think about what others are seeing) reflect someone deeply rooted and established in God and his faithfulness? When we make God our rock our foundation is firm and unshakeable. It should show in how we act and think. Do we act with the assurance that we are standing on the Rock? Or, do we walk unsure because we know the world disagrees with us?
One final verse: It speaks of God’s faithfulness (I told you we would get there) pay attention to the last line. 2 Timothy 2:11-13 says:
The saying is trustworthy, for
If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
if we endure, we will also reign with him;
if we deny him, he also will deny us;
if we are faithless, he remains faithful-
for he cannot deny himself.